Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Glasses Gone?

Ok, so yesterday was one of the strangest days of my life.

I fell asleep Monday night on my couch watching a movie. I believe that I was wearing my glasses while dozing off, though I may have taken them off just before losing consciousness (as I sometimes do). When I woke up in the morning, my glasses were nowhere to be found…

For those of you who don’t wear glasses, you should know that losing your glasses is one of the most frustrating things that can occur. Trying to find them is an exercise in futility. You just can’t see well enough to do an effective search.

I spent 2 hours looking on my own, and an additional hour searching with my mother to try to find them. We were unsuccessful. We decided that the best option was to get a new pair. My old glasses are about 2 years old, they’re scratched and bent, and I was pretty sure my prescription had changed at least a little bit. We got an emergency appointment and zipped down to the south of town.

Upon my arrival, I was whisked into the back for a quick and dirty eye exam. It turns out that my left eye’s vision has deteriorated a bit, so a new pair of glasses would probably a good thing even if I hadn’t lost them. Now comes the bad news: this eye doctor cannot get me glasses for several days…

The doctor I usually see has changed practices and this new place doesn’t shape lenses on site. Also, the doctor I normally see wasn’t even in. They told me that my only option, if I wanted to be able to see for the next several days, was to get fitted for a pair of contacts.

<rant>Let’s step outside of the story for a bit to rant about how much I have never wanted to get contacts. Ever. The thought of sticking a piece of plastic into my eye is quite unappealing. I have never understood why people would want to do this. Discomfort for the sake of vanity is something I have always sought to fight against. Besides, glasses are hip, and they look good on me. Also, I don’t have to worry about them giving me horrible eye infections. In my opinion, glasses are far superior to contacts.</rant>

Since it was my only option, and they offered to give me a pair for free, I reluctantly agreed. I’m going in for a full eye exam next week, and I’ll probably get a new pair of glasses then, but for now I’m stuck with these blasted contacts! I hate putting them in. I hate taking them out. I hate how they make my eyes feel. I don’t like things touching my eyeball!

I hate contacts with a passion that burns like the unyeiding fire of a thousand suns!

P.S. for those of you who are thinking that my glasses are just hiding in my couch somewhere and that I just haven’t looked hard enough, know this: both vee and my mother and myself have dug through it, turned it up on every end and practically ripped it apart trying to find them. They are not in the couch. They are also not in the trash, the sink, the refrigerator or the freezer, the bathroom, or in my car. I did not eat them, nor are they in my ass.

I have prayed to St. Anthony, and even though I’m not Catholic, I’m sure he can offer me more help than any of you can.