Bachelor Food

... or Practical Posta Dishes for the Frugal Man

Let me preface this entire post with the comment that I am not a good cook. Oh sure, I can aspire to mediocrity in my chef-ing skills, but I'll never be as good as the majority of my friends and relatives when it comes to actually preparing a meal.

I'm also incredibly lazy when It comes to cooking, and without a dishwasher at my current place of residence, it usually involves far too much clean up time for my taste. Seriously, I once made instant mac and cheese in a pyrex measuring cup...


Still, cooking is far cheaper than eating out, so I find myself doing it more and more. I've tried to keep myself to a strict $25 a week grocery budget, and mostly succeeded. But as they say, necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows, and my dishes towards the end of the week tend to start becoming increasingly "creative."

So now I present to you what might possibly be the most incredible bachelor recipe of all time:

Tri -Color Pasta With Red Pepper and Steak-Umms

What you'll need:

1 Bag Cheap Tri-Color Pasta (Wacky Mac brand preferred)
2 Red Peppers (Lazily sliced, nice and big)
1 Can Pasta Sauce (Not a bottle. What are we, the emperor of France?)
4 Steak-Umms
1/2 Tbsp of Moms Red Chili Powder

- First off, take off your pants. You won't be needing them for the actual cooking process and you'll be far more comfortable without them. Are they off? Good!

- Wash all the dishes you'll need. They're probably encrusted with filth and sitting next to your sink. You may need to dig around in the pile to find them all.

- Get your pasta water boiling while you cut up the red pepper. Remember, slice them nice and big so you don't have to spend so much damn time. If you "dice" them, you have wasted valuable minutes you can never get back.

- Cook the Steak-Umms according to the instructions on the box. Try to stop yourself from eating them right when they come off the pan. Delicious Steak-Umms...

- Once the Steak-Umms are done, use the grease in the pan to fry up the red peppers. This infuses them with steaky goodness.

- If you forgot about your pasta water, it's probably boiling over at this point. Throw your pasta in and boil it according to the instructions on the bag.

- While the pasta is cooking, open your can of pasta sauce and add it to the pan with the red peppers. Shred up your Steak-Umms and throw them in the pan too. Add your chili powder, mix everything up, and let it heat up on the stove while the pasta finishes.

- When the pasta is done, strain it. A real professional can do this without the use of a collinder.

- Throw the sauce over the pasta, mix, and serve directly out of the pot. If you have a guest over, be sure to have 2 forks ready, and maybe a bowl if they're squeemish.

This dish will probably last you for a few days worth of eating. While you're chowing down, be sure to check out the Streak-Umms FAQ so that you can rest assured that "Steak-umm® Sliced Steaks are made of 100% beef."

Enjoy!